The title is a quote from another one of my all-time favorite movies (Office Space). My last title “Butch is a Bitch” was from Best in Show. I am so clever sometimes I wish I could date myself. And in fact, maybe someday I could! I’ll just buy myself a little Dee Clone for $1M, which by then (let’s guesstimate 20 years from now), will be equivalent to today’s Ben Franklin. On second thought…

Isn’t inflation sad? I mean, even education is inflated. There used to be a time when an Undergraduate degree was esteemed. Then it was a Master’s. And now…well, in order to be an authority on anything anymore, your name needs to end with Google.

It’s a strange and complicated world we live in today, and truly, we have no one to blame but ourselves. I mean, what ever happened to the simple desires, like, for instance, sleeping with two girls at the same time?

I don’t mean to be Neanderthal about it, but come on, how many game shows are giving away $1million every day? Everything’s so straight and shiny, like Howie Mandell (that suitcase gameshow). He even looks phallic! (Oops, that comment was supposed to be reserved for my next blog, entitled “How to lose a lesbian in 10 days”). It’s like, whatever happened to the $5,000 Pyramid with Dick Clark? Now that was classic game show TV. That, and Double Dare…

But I digress…

Inflation has gotten so bad that we don’t even think $1Million is a lot of money anymore. I’m thinking…5 is the new 1. Like coffee. Like Gas. What would you even do with a million dollars? Pay off the house, the car(s), college loans, credit cards…save for kid’s college, masters, phd, and google degrees. Really just spend it on things you need, right? Before you know it, it’s gone, and you still have to go back to work…your car will eventually break down…the price of living will continue to rise…and you’ll potentially be right back where you are today. Probably.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m going to tell you that you’re better off spending your $1Million on something fleeting like 2 girls at one time. But I’m not. Not in the literal sense, at least (unless the only way for your to be with 2 girls at once would be to have $1M, in which case I might consider it). No, what I instead suggest is practicing some lowered expectations. Don’t be pushed into conditioned helplessness by the powers that be. Focusing on the material will only cost you money and cloud your judgement. Instead, focus on the experience that may never happen again. What’s the price tag of a warm sleepy kiss from your sweetheart first thing in the morning, if you knew it would be the last? Would it be more valuable than that $80K Mercedes you bought only because you worked 18 hour days for the better part of the last decade? Just wondering…because it sounds silly, and obvious, and you could have been returning emails instead of taking 5 minutes to read this post just to be told that you “shouldn’t take money so seriously”… But, ask yourself. Why are you procrastinating in the first place?

So I ask you. What would you REALLY do if you had $1Million? Spend it, donate it, or use it to woo 2 sexy felines?

Dee Lieber is the owner of Organics Anonymous, a Portland Oregon design and marketing firm. She is a branding specialist who helps her clients establish (or re-establish) their identities, target their niche, and gain brand loyalty by utilizing their websites, logos, and distinct voices as valuable marketing tools.. Dee is a member of the Portland Area Business Association - Portland’s LGBT Chamber of Commerce. Call Dee at 971.227.0712 or visit her website at: OrganicsAnonymous.com.